Fail

This cat is not a failure. He’s a hero. He totally had that jump. Sure, his footing could have been better. And maybe his form was a little off. But he had it. There is no doubt in my mind that this cat has made leaps bigger than this one. Look at how big and majestic he is! But why is he a hero? Let’s go through it.

First, he checks the distance not once but twice! Measure twice cut once, as the old man always said. That’s the hallmark of a true craftsman and someone who’s got experience with jumping matters. Then he scoots his back feet, the lift generating feet, as close to the edge as he can, knowing that he’s going to need all the boost he can muster. This is a heads-up, veteran move.

Next, he crouches to keep his center of gravity low, all the while never, I repeat NEVER, taking his eyes off the prize. That’s the icy stare of a feline who knows what he’s doing. He readies himself, being careful and deliberate as he winds his body up to launch over the abyss. This is where things start to go wrong.

Are we really expecting a cat to understand that when his adorable, fluffy, little paws touch a smooth surface like a varnished table that it creates a situation where he will lose traction? I mean, come on. Even in the face of this, his true unbreakable character comes through, for it is when the chips are down and the odds hard that true heroes rise.

About .005 seconds into this jump, he realizes something along the lines of “oh crap, not gonna make it” and begins evasive maneuvers. With the grace and steely nerve of Captain “Sully” Sullenberger, the cat decides ’tis best to land safely and fly another day, rather than smash into the wall. And so, with the body control of an Olympic gymnast, he pirouettes to the right, and lands safely on all fours.

He is not a failure. He is an experienced and most likely talented jumper who just happened to have a bad attempt caught on camera. He should not be taunted with chats of “fail!” from the internet. He should be lauded for being a hero. Not unlike a certain airplane pilot, who also had a bad attempt caught on tape.

Matt Barnsley