I’m old now. Not like, super old, but old enough that young people (under 25) see me more as scenery than a human being. That’s OK. I’m glad to be entering this phase of my life. I can go out in public looking however I want to. I feel relatively comfortable in my own skin and I don’t think as much about what other people think about me. But it is my age that might color how I feel about certain aspects of social media.

To make things clear from the jump — I am not a Luddite. I understand the technology that makes up social media. People and corporations pay me money to run their social media accounts. This isn’t a case where I am just a clueless old fogey. And while I will never understand what it has been like for Gen Zers to grow up only knowing high-speed internet that is always available to them, I think I’ve got the picture.

One thing I DO NOT understand is what they call “dancing” these days. Already I can see the “Old Man Yells At Cloud” posts but hear me out. There are a number of “famous” people who have made their bones by “dancing” on social media. Depending on your age, you might have even heard of them. charli d’amelio and addison rae are two that spring to mind and are probably the most widely recognized.

You might have heard of Addison Rae recently as she was (rightfully) accused of exploiting and appropriating Black culture and creativity. She went on the Tonight Show to promote her new single (which is so unbelievably bad I’m shocked it’s not a parody). The video for that song is a masquerade of Black tropes: her darkened skin, a coterie of Black backup dancers, and Black fashion in general. So it shouldn’t be a surprise when this li’l white girl goes on national TV and steals other people’s work.

Now, you might be thinking “well, geez, nobody can own a dance” and to that I say bullshit. These aren’t just dances. They are creatively packaged content for entertainment. Let me give you an example. Say that I have a hilarious Twitter feed (I do) and some comedian goes on the Tonight Show and tells all my jokes. Wouldn’t I have a case for plagarism? TikTok dances are no different. These people aren’t doing the Charleston. They are creating unique things. And people like Addison steal them and propagate them to their millions of followers without attributing who actually did the work.

But that’s not really even the point of this. Whatever they are doing, which they call dancing, isn’t dancing. It’s a bunch of hand movements and body wiggles. And they last like 10 seconds. Or even less creatively, it’s just a girl running through an expensive house lipsyncing. Have a look at the “brilliance” on offer:

Aside from reeking of absolute desperation for attention, these videos aren’t anything new. Madonna (or whoever choreographed and directed the video) came up with this format in 1990. Remember when we were all “voguing” in the 90s?

Look familiar? You can go back even further to find examples of hand dancing. Can I interest you in the “Hand Jive” from Grease?

At least in the examples above, the dancers bothered to actually move the rest of their bodies. Nowadays on TikTok, it’s all hand motions like they’re trying to cast a spell in a Marvel movie. And most of this stuff isn’t even hard to learn. Gordon Ramsey can do a number of them and I don’t think anyone would consider him a dancer.

Look, you can like what you like. But I’m honestly a little tired of Gen Z kids thinking they invented everything. Just because we (and the generations before us) didn’t have an internet connection and a camera to constantly upload every aspect of our lives onto social media doesn’t mean we didn’t already do all this shit. I mean, you guys don’t even bang and you’re going to get all high and mighty with us? LOL

TikTok isn’t anything new. It’s Vines but longer. And before that, it was something else. Having 10 million hypothetical virtual fans doesn’t make you a star or mean you have talent. Shaking your ass online will always be popular. It takes zero ability — only time and the resources to film.

I bring all this up because I do worry about what the future holds for art in general. A huge chunk of the most popular songs on Spotify and Apple Music is unlistenable garbage that sounds a lot like they were created by people with even less ability than these TikTokkers. It’s a bunch of noise that these kids (who are too messed up on pharmies to notice) don’t realize sucks, or worse, is a blatant ripoff of something that already exists.

Take Olivia Rodrigo’s hit Song of the Summer, “good 4 u”. If you find yourself liking it and don’t know why, it’s because it’s just Paramore’s song “Misery Business” but with newer, more vapid words. Oh, and of course an F-Bomb because that’s the best way to shed the innocent Disney thing.

If everything is copied nostalgia then where does new stuff come from? You can only eat and regurgitate the same meal so many times. How many reboots and remakes and ripoffs can art handle? I fear we’re dangerously close to a tipping point. And since everyone who could be making NEW art has been training how to copy and emulate what’s already been, I worry there will come a day when that’s all we have. At the end of the day, these kids have to realize they aren’t being nostalgic — they’re eating someone else’s shit.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some clouds to yell at.

That Ain't Dancing Sally