All My Heroes Are Dead: Layne Staley
OK, not ALL of them are dead. But “Most of My Heroes Are Dead” doesn’t quite have the same ring to it. And obviously, I am not talking about real heroes: teachers, nurses, paramedics, firemen, etc. I’m talking about artistic heroes, the people who’ve inspired me. And a shocking number of them have passed away. I’d like to remember a few of them over the next couple of weeks/months, starting today with Layne Staley.
Layne was the lead singer of Alice in Chains from its inception in 1987 until his untimely death at age 34 in 2002. His musical relationship with guitarist Jerry Cantrell formed the basis of a partnership that would produce a number of hit songs throughout the 90s. His soaring vocals contrasted perfectly with complex, grungey chords. Their music was heavy and plodding and yet Layne’s voice added a sense of menacing movement. The lyrics were dark, often telling stories about abuse, drug use, and violence. The art reflected life.
Layne was beloved by fans. He was quiet, soft-spoken, and had a keen fashion sense that melded glam rock and elements of drag with modern, typical rock ‘n roller leather jackets. I used to have a poster of him up on my wall when I was a teenager. I cut it out of a Hit Parade magazine and I thought he was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen or heard sing. I wasn’t the only one. In the video below, from their MTV Unplugged performance, notice the ovation each member gets as they come out. The biggest, by far, is for Layne. He was the little drug addict who could. It had more than two and a half years since the band last performed for an audience, a lifetime for an up-and-coming band. This was all pre-internet, so no one had really seen Layne in about that much time. He was clearly gaunt, underweight, and frail-looking. He had a nervousness about him. But his voice… his voice was still angelic.
During the show, he needed to use a teleprompter to remember the lyrics. He also wore fingerless gloves, a way to cover up the scars from his drug use. The part that blows me away is how strong his voice is. Yes, there are little hiccups here and there. But look at how little he moves while he sings. To get that kind of power with such little movement is amazing.
Note the message scrawled on bassist Mike Inez’s guitar: Friends Don't Let Friends Get Friends Haircuts... It’s a tongue in cheek dig at Metallica, who had recently released LOAD and featured a different look for the band. They were highly stylized and their fans did not like it. So that’s what that message is about.
As great as Layne sings in this performance, he does not look like a healthy man. His eyes are dark and it was rumored that he was missing a lot of teeth. Some heroin addicts, once the veins in their arms and hands are too messed up, start looking for alternatives. It’s a scary and sad thing to see a man on the verge of death. It’s even stranger to think he lived another six years after this performance.
Layne wasn’t just in Alice in Chains. One of his side projects, Mad Season, released an album and had a hit single as well. The band was an attempt by several sober musicians to try and get Layne into a situation where he could perhaps turn the corner. It didn’t work but the songs they produced are incredible. This particular one, “River of Deceit” almost always makes me cry. As someone who has struggled with addiction (not on the level as Layne, of course) the lyrics always hit so close to home.
My pain is self-chosen
At least, so the prophet says
I could either burn
Or cut off my pride and buy some time
A head full of lies is the weight, tied to my waist
The river of deceit pulls down
The only direction we flow is down
My pain is self-chosen
At least I believe it to be
I could either drown
Or pull off my skin and swim to shore
Now I can grow a beautiful shell for all to see
The River of Deceit pulls down
The only direction we flow is down
To me, deceit is at the heart of addiction. It is (initially) a way to relieve pain and trauma. Addicts suffer and because of that suffering, we seek refuge in a place that only causes more suffering. It pulls us down. We lie to ourselves, pulling ourselves further and further down. It’s easy to say it’s a choice but it isn’t. The addiction becomes a part of us, as much as our hands and feet. To be free of it, we have to literally pull a part of ourselves off. It’s a beautiful song that captures an ugly thing.
I can’t help but wonder what his career could have been if he’d been able to kick drugs. It actually hard to find live recordings of the band, partially because in the 90s there wasn’t an abundance of cameras like we have now. But it’s also because the band didn’t get to tour and perform much because of his drug issues. The few live moments we have are precious, a good lesson to remember for life in general.
The last few years of his life were spent in isolation. He lived in a small condo and never saw anyone. The only way people knew he was still alive was through regular ATM withdrawals each week. Once they stopped, the police busted into his place to find a very dead body and his cat. It’s sad to think about how he lived those last six years of his life. Doing drugs, making art, and playing video games with the only company being his cat.
Layne’s legacy will never be forgotten. Alice in Chains continues to tour with a new lead singer. But I just can’t get into the new stuff. The new guy isn’t bad or anything, I just miss Layne too much. I get distracted thinking about how “this isn’t really AIC” and what could have been. It seems the best version of the band will have to live in my memories. Layne’s talent and emotionally-charged vocals inspired me to become an artist, to share the dark parts of myself with the world. He gave me the courage to shine a light on them and for that, I am grateful.
RIP Layne. You are missed.