The Logos Won

One of the biggest differences I’ve observed between Gen Xers and Millennials is our relationship with brands and corporations. I was born in 1982 and thus technically a Millennial. But these things are not set in stone. I’m a bit of a tweener. While I have some of the internet-based things that Millennials are known for (social media, etc.) I am instinctively repulsed by it. If not for my chosen profession, I don’t think I would use social media at all.

I grew up hanging out with older people and I think most of that Gen X heritage rubbed off on me. I am a child of the 90s. This was an era capped by the publication of No Logo, a fantastic book by Naomi Klein that really explains why corporations became obsessed with ingratiating themselves into every facet of your life. It also takes a critical look at globalism and the dangers that have borne out since it’s release in 1999. This was also the time of Adbusters, an organization and publishing house that was distinctly anti-advertising and pro-environment. We had great fun in high school grabbing magazines off the racks and altering the ads within to call attention to whatever issue or violation we had found the corporation guilty of. This is all a long way of saying that I was raised in a climate that taught me to be suspicious of corporations and leery of whatever they were trying to sell.

When I talk to younger people (under 25) they seem to be totally fine with corporations by and large. Or rather, they seem fine with the levels of advertising they receive every day from those companies. I cannot stand ads. I am one of the people who pay extra to Hulu so I don’t have to see ads before/during/after watching content. This is also the primary reason I pay for SiriusXM — so I can enjoy music without having to deal with someone screaming at me to buy something I don’t need. Granted, I am in a privileged position to be able to afford such luxuries. But I hardly think that $10/month ($5 for each service) is all that much.

Let me tell you something: when I do listen to the radio in the car or watch broadcast TV I am shocked by the levels of insanity that are accepted in advertising. Only in advertising can you create these insane worlds where outlandish things happen. We’ve become so accustomed to how bizarre ads are that we hardly even notice. Here’s an idea: a family of cartoon bears that have issues with “cleanliness”, the go-to phrasing for any kind of natural process we’ve made shameful (yeast infections, pooping, heavy menstruation, etc.). I’m guessing this has something to do with bears pooping in the woods, I guess? Have a look at the insanity:

Just what in the hell is going on at these ad agencies? In the first clip, they even acknowledge how crazy it is for a person to be dancing about toilet paper by having the husband (????) bear standing there watching in confusion. Leaving aside the implicit racism on display in how they are clearly targeting minorities (notice how the “booty smile” bear is blue while all the other bears in the commercials that feature a nuclear family are red, not to mention the bad R&B music and breakdancing), it’s insane to think someone would be THAT happy about wiping their ass. What kind of issues are you people having in the bathroom?

In the next clip, we get a teenage bear who can’t stop rubbing his ass and scratching at it. I think this is more of a general problem with teenage boys being gross little monsters and not necessarily the kind of toilet paper you use. But the hope they are selling is that you might get little Brayden to be “clean” back there if only the TP felt like a blanket. The mom actually says “go get ‘em” to the boy as he runs gleefully into the bathroom. Whaaaa??? The worst part of the commercial by far is the “smear test” where a person wipes blue poop (???) off their arm.

A few spots later, the father bear panics while on vacation when he realizes the hotel only has normal toilet paper. He exclaims, “I’ll never get clean!” Huh? Is wiping your butt really this hard? But don’t worry daddy bear, momma bear thought ahead and BROUGHT A PACK OF TP WITH HER ON VACATION. Is this a thing that happens? It’s crazy. Moving on. At around the 2:30 mark, there’s a scene where daddy bear has some alone time with the toilet paper and it seems like he wants to have sex with it. No lie. Go watch it. He talks romantically to it, he rubs it all over his body, and the accompanying music is romantic soft jazz. He’s seducing the TP!

I could honestly spend an entire post writing about the Charmin Bears alone. Maybe I will. But I wanted to use that one example of how crazy advertising has gotten. I doubt that a bear having sex with toilet paper even registered as weird if you saw it on TV. And that’s because so much of advertising has become about much more than whatever product they are selling. It wasn’t always like this.

Moving past the sexism here, the ad is pretty straightforward and makes sense. You’re out doing stuff all day, you need a little pick-me-up so you buy a Coke. Makes sense. It honestly looks delicious and it’s pretty clear that the liquid in the cup is actual soda. Have a look at today’s Coke ad:

The product is secondary. Sex is what is for sale here. And how do you get that sexy relief? Shake up a can of Diet Soda and wait for it. You can tell this ad is about a decade old — there’s a Black woman in the group of friends but only ONE. They know they need to be inclusive but not so inclusive that it seems like a “Black” product. What group of strangely diverse women haven’t been sitting out in a random field in a park (without blankets to keep their clothes clean) watching the lawnmower man do his thing. HAPPENS EVERY DAY I’M SURE. And what’s with that lawnmower? Is it an antique? Is he cutting the whole park with that? And yet, we’re so distracted by the quick cuts, music, and sexuality that it seems totally normal. This is not an accident.

Corporations are legal entities. That means they aren’t really anything but paper. If we wanted to, we could get rid of them all tomorrow. They exist through our consent. They are a shared fiction that only survives because we all choose to believe in them. While Apple may have employees, buildings, and products, Apple itself exists only in a collection of legal maneuverings and frameworks. Why is this important? Because corporations know what they are and they are desperate to stop you from thinking about it.

One of the reactions from the anti-corporate, anti-globalism 90s was for companies to try and make themselves more likable, more friendly, and more accessible. Ever wonder why seemingly every product has a mascot and social media feeds? To seem human. Why does Charmin need cartoon bears to sell toilet paper? Why make them look like a kid’s show? Because it makes swallowing the shared fiction easy. These commercials and branding are the sugar that makes the corporate profits go down— or up, I should say.

Pharmaceutical companies are one of the most egregious makers of insane ads. They are legally obligated to rattle off all those side-effects and warnings. But how to talk about an erection that lasts four hours (seems like one of those Good Problems but what do I know) without making everyone uncomfortable? With lots of flashy video clips! These dudes are going to be laying some pipe later! And what’s with the tubs? Who cares, these old people are going to be getting it on.

Every year, on 9/11, we are treated to a bunch of companies expressing sympathy and condolences with the victims of the terrorist attack. And hey, if they happen to mention their brand or whatever sale they are running, it’s just good salesmanship, right? There have been some doozies over the years. Here’s a Hall of Famer:

Now, obviously, this is a local company and isn’t really a national corporation like I’ve been talking about. But the trickle-down effect is clear. If CVS and Build-A-Bear can use 9/11 to hock goods, why not us? And when you have much less talented people making your ads, this is what you get. It’s hilarious but not for the reasons they intended.

Brands have become as much a part of our lives as our own names. Some people — athletes, celebrities, Instagram thots, etc. — embrace the “brand lifestyle” and work to cultivate it. But what is a brand? It’s got two definitions. The first: a type of product manufactured by a particular company under a particular name. Pretty straightforward. But I find the second definition to be a lot more revealing: an identifying mark burned on livestock or (formerly) criminals or slaves with a branding iron. It is a mark of ownership. And that’s what corporations are after.

In the social media world, being “on brand” is very much a thing. People cease being human beings and instead become products. The Kardashians are brands. Michael Jordan is one too, maybe the earliest incarnation of this phenomenon. Since corporations do not have humanity within them, if they can get people to strip their own humanity away and become products that are bought and sold then the line between legal mechanism and living, breathing person is obliterated.

Millennials are particularly vulnerable to this for a few reasons. One, they’ve grown up being surrounded by ads and brands. Forbes reported that the average American is exposed to between 4,000 and 10,000 ads PER DAY! That’s a lot of information and emotional manipulation. Second, because of the economic circumstances they find themselves in (lots of student debt, poor paying jobs) they don’t have a lot of money. They will happily sit through a 30-second ad to watch a video for free. They have techniques for avoiding it if they want. Notice how many ads have closed captions running along the bottom? That isn’t for deaf people. That’s for all the people who mute their phones or TVs during ads. For people with limited economic means, free is always going to win out.

Gen Xers have failed our children and future generations. We lost the war against corporations and allowed apathy to set in. Now, you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a dozen ads. Everything is a brand and nothing is real. And while I am dubious we could have ever won, the fight was the part that was important. We needed to keep the idea that you didn’t have to be bought and sold, alive. In this, we have failed.

The cartoon above is from 1889. Its basic premise is that the monied interests of the country (corporations, called trusts back in the day) are the real controllers of government. And where did I get this picture from? No, it isn’t from a newspaper archive. It’s taken from the product page where you can buy it on a canvas. Wall art not your thing? Don’t worry. They have options. How about this image on a phone case? A duvet cover? A throw pillow? A beach towel? A portable battery charger? You can get this image on anything you want. The irony is not lost on me. It’s a bit like the people who recently found out that Rage Against the Machine is a political band. Paul Ryan loves this band? Huh?

I don’t know what can be done at this point. The younger generations have much bigger battles to fight: climate change, income inequality, finding a job that pays a livable wage. All of those are symptoms of runaway corporate greed and globalism. Why pay an American to make something for $15 when a Chinese child will do it for $3? It’s just business. Nothing personal. Our condolences on your job loss.

Ultimately, we the people control corporations. They’d like you to forget that inconvenient fact and think of them as your friends, your family, your most trusted advisers. But they aren’t. They are money-sucking monsters that will do everything to make a buck. They’re required to enrich their shareholders. If we want them to change, we must reject their branding efforts and hold them accountable for all the damage they have caused. Their power and control over our lives, their influence, are a threat to American prosperity.

While I do not have all the answers, we can begin to chip away at their power. Buy from local businesses. Support artists. Delete your social media (if you can). Vote for people who will serve us, the humans, and not some soulless corporate overlord. It will feel impossible at times. And it might be. But the fight is what’s important. Don’t do it for me or even yourself. Do it for future generations who might have to face the decision of whether or not they should name their kid HealthPartners O’Brien for a 20% discount on the hospital bills.