It’s almost November which means it’s time for the dreaded WAR ON CHRISTMAS to begin. For most people, the WOC isn’t a real thing. They just go about their days decorating and buying presents. Maybe they say “Merry Christmas” or “happy holidays” and don’t really care about who says what back. But there is a group of people in this country, aggrieved white folks (ain’t it always), who really need certain elements of Christmas to be set in stone, buried under cement, and protected by guards. Saying “Merry Christmas” is one of those things. Another is that Santa Claus is a white guy.

The most insidious part of the clip above is when they acknowledge that having a whites-only Santa Claus might make some kids of color feel unwelcome and separate… but then they completely ignore it and stick with “Nah, little kids feeling bad is irrelevant”. Toughen up Kiddos! It’s more important to preserve white fragility than change one thing about a made-up man. It’s intentional cruelty designed to maintain white superiority. That’s it.

Now, why would this panel of four white people care so much about this? I presume they base their belief that this FICTIONAL character is loosely based on a nonsense story many white children are taught about the “true” origins of Santa. It goes something like this: there was this guy in Germany, maybe a toymaker, who would go around and give presents to poor kids like 300 years ago. That’s why he’s white. Because he’s German.

None of that is true. In actuality, the first iteration of Santa, Saint Nicholas (which is where he gets the name Saint Nick from), was a Turkish Bishop. He was born in the year 270 to rich parents. After they died, he was known for distributing his inherited wealth to poor people. This is where the whole idea of generosity and gift-giving comes from. It should also be noted that he probably wasn’t aware that Christmas was even a holiday during his lifetime and if he did it didn’t resemble any of what we do today. I don’t know about you but I don’t think a Turkish person would be considered white in America in 2021. So if we trace Santa back to his earliest roots, he isn’t white. But OK, let’s go with something a bit more modern.

As the video above describes, our modern Santa Claus is a combination of a few characters: St. Nicholas and Sinterklaas, among others. In their retelling of the story, Santa loses his Turkish ethnicity and transforms into a jolly Dutchman. This is the first example of Santa being stripped of his heritage in favor of images more palatable for white people. This is the idea of Santa Claus that Megyn Kelly and her ilk seek to preserve. The one that’s based on European myths and whitewashing.

This might all seem harmless to you and if that’s the case, I bet you’re white. But thoughts like this lead to real-world violence. As we struggle towards a more equitable society, white people feel like they are being attacked. Threatened. That their lives are being stolen. That’s what a lot of this “Make America Great Again” fervor is really about: maintaining white supremacy.

Let’s get to my compromise though. Here’s what I have to offer to the white people who want Santa to stay white under all circumstances. You can have white Santa but you have to admit Jesus was a person of color. I mean, since we’re so concerned with preserving the historical accuracy of fictional characters. If Santa is really a Dutchman then Jesus, by that same logic must be dark-skinned. I mean, you do know where he’s from, right?

Oh, hang on. Megyyyn addressed that when she says that Jesus was white and it’s a “verifiable” fact. I’m not sure where Megyyyyn is getting her facts from but there is no way on God’s green earth that a white guy was walking around Nazareth 2,000 years ago. Was he the child of Vikings who got lost? It’s nonsense. Here’s what Jesus probably looked like, if he even lived at all.

Huh. Doesn’t seem like a white guy to me. Looks like a Middle Eastern man, which makes sense since that’s what he was.

OK, so to recap: whites can have white Santa if they give up white Jesus. But we can’t really stop there, can we? I mean, we HAVE to keep the record straight. Let’s go all the way back to Adam and Eve. It is a verifiable fact that human beings came out of Africa. That means the first human beings would have had dark skin. And not caramel, John Legend skin. Dark, like Wesley Snipes. Adam and Eve probably looked like this:

But wait — there’s more! Genesis 1:27 says that “God created man in His own image". Holy smokes that can only mean one thing… GOD IS A BLACK MAN. Oh boy, wait until the Evangelicals hear about this. I’m sure they’ll be overjoyed to know they’ve been worshiping and praying to a Black man. Quick, someone get Megyyyyyyyn on the phone so we can tell her the good news! I’m sure she’ll be happy to have white Santa in exchange for Arabian Jesus, Black God, and Nubian Adam and Eve. She digs verifiable facts after all. And please give her this magnet from me.

All of this misses the point entirely, of course. Santa’s skin color is only an issue for white people. Racist white people to be specific. Again, we’re talking about a person that is the amalgamation of half a dozen other real and fictional characters. If he can be Dutch and Turkish, he can be anything. Santa isn’t about what he looks like. That’s superficial. It’s about what he represents. He’s a symbol of generosity and love. And OK, maybe pervy dudes who like to watch kids 24/7. But let’s be real, parents added that bit to the mythos to get their effing kids to behave.

There are a few genuinely touching moments in the video above. Yes, it’s a produced program so the segments are cherry-picked. But I think a lot of people would react the way pretty much everyone in the clip did. Maybe not in more traditionally racist areas. Trump country. You know, real America.

If you’re white, you might be thinking “well, if his skin color doesn’t matter and it’s the spirit of Santa that counts, then why make him Black or Mexican or Asian at all?” Great question. Simply put, symbols matter, as Megyyyyyyn and her cohorts above astutely observed (and then rudely dismissed). When kids see representations of themselves in art, culture, or anything else, it makes a difference. If all a Black child ever sees are white representations of things, it sends a not-so-subtle message that Black folks aren’t the same as whites and maybe less. If making Santa Black or whatever gives kids a closer connection to the joy and wonder of Christmastime, then who cares? I doubt Santa would.

I love QVC. It’s literally one of my favorite things to watch. I write a lot of marketing copy for a living and no one does it better than the hosts of home shopping shows. They’ve got 15 mins to create a demand within their viewers that gets them to pick up the phone, call into a call center, and buy whatever item is being hocked. They can wax about a sponge for days. Did you know you can use a ScrubDaddy to peel potatoes? I didn’t. Blast that bad boy with some cold water and go to town on the taters. It’ll have them smooth as silk in no time flat.

Nothing beats QVC at Christmastime. I watch their Christmas in July sales just to get a little hit of that Xmas magic mid-summer. It’s a watered-down version of the good stuff but it does in a pinch. This season I have noticed a lot more representations of minorities in their Christmas goods. Usually, it’s just Black skin on an otherwise identical white product. I think it might be a little hard to represent other minorities without getting too close to making caricatures of them. Can you imagine what Asian Santa would look like in the hands of an unskilled sculptor? Eeek.

In the video above, you may have noticed something curious around the 1:50 mark. When talking about quantities, the host mentions that they have 750 of the white Santa but fewer than 100 of the Black Santa. This is a theme I’ve seen over and over again. There are always limited quantities of Black products and ten times more white products. In many segments, I’ve seen the minority Santas sell out within minutes. I guess QVC (or the people making the products) don’t think Black people watch home shopping.

Why is Black Santa the same color as the gingerbread man? It’s good that they are finally servicing more than white people but they need to do a better job of keeping the minority products in stock. Otherwise, it feels very token.

All of this is to say that Santa can be whatever he wants to be. And by “he” I mean whatever the parents want him to be, since they are, in actuality, Santa. We do not live in a society that is so fragile that making Santa represent Black folks will cause a collapse. If anything, it’s a sign of our strength. It’s a symbol of empathy and understanding. Give me more races of Santa. Indian Santa. Indigenous Santa. A transgender Santa (oh my god think of their reaction to that one). Santa isn’t flesh and blood — he’s so much more.

And that’s kind of the point.

Black Santa: A Compromise