Bathroom Weirdness
If you’re anything like me you probably have a deep, weird shame when it comes to using the bathroom. I am speaking specifically about #2. Even though every living being on Earth poops (especially humans) whenever I go into the lavatory to drop a deuce I feel like I suddenly turn into a secret assassin whose terrible deeds can never be witnessed. Mind you, this is only when I know there are other people around. If I’m alone, I feel nothing. But in a public setting, I go to great lengths to relieve myself in silence. It’s as if every movement goes something like this:
I thought about this at work today when I used the bathroom. Mind you, staff at the school have access to single-occupancy bathrooms. But the men’s and women’s as usually right next to each other (or they are genderless). As I was going in, I noticed a colleague of mine heading into the women’s room. This sent my butt into DEFCON 1. (Quick side note: people often use the DEFCON system incorrectly. They assume that DEFCON 5 is the highest since it is the biggest number in the system. Yet, in reality, it’s exactly the opposite. DEFCON 1 is the highest state of alert and DEFCON 5 is the lowest). I know I can hear the noises in the other bathroom so that means whoever is in there can hear me. That’s just math.
As I sat upon the throne, straining to make as little sound as possible, I wondered why I have such a hangup with this sort of thing. I feel like I am probably not alone which is why I am writing this post. Why are we all so weird about what we do in the bathroom? Where does it come from? Is it due to our Puritan roots and how religions generally body shame at every chance they get?
I don’t really have any great answers for you. “Poop shame” seems to impact women more than men, according to this study. But even men don’t like to talk about poop. This is especially true when it comes to telling your doctor about things. Many people fail to discuss their BMs with them which can lead to issues down the road. The digestive system is nothing to be ashamed of. Aside from literally keeping us alive, it is an incredible process! Millions upon millions of years of evolution have allowed us to poop.
And yet… I’m still praying to god that nobody hears me. We should celebrate pooping! But we don’t. We see it, in the words of Joe Buck, as a disgusting act. Poop shame is different from poop anxiety, which is when you can’t go poop if there are people around. My own personal struggle with this has to do with any time I travel. I get all backed up because I can’t go in strange places. For some people, it can lead to very real and dangerous health concerns.
Look, we all poop. We all fart. We all stink and make ungodly noises in there. I’m not sure why we need to be ashamed of it. What other necessary functions are we like this about? We might comment on someone’s breathing or heart rate out of concern but we aren’t like “ew, Bob, are you breathing heavy? Gross.” We’re more like “uh Bob you might be having a heart attack.” There’s never the same concern for a fart attack.
I wonder if this is a Western thing or if there’s is poop shame in other cultures too. I imagine there is. Japan seems pretty uptight and tidy. I bet they aren’t big celebrators of pooping. I bet the British are also weird about pooping. Seems to be less of a thing in countries like India where you can find many open-air, outdoor toilets. Someone actually compiled a video of toilets from around the world.
Yikes at some of those. If you didn’t have poop anxiety before, I bet you do now. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over my poop shame. Maybe when I reach that age of simply not giving a crap about anything I’ll be able to go in, drop trow, and let it rip. Until then, I guess I’m stuck trying to stealth shit.
If you’re interested in learning more about bathroom issues, Refinery29 did a great series on it here. It’s worth checking out!